A glimpse at part of Stephen's platform for President of the United States

From a video-campaign stop in South Carolina last week:

Those attending got a few laughs from a video message from Charleston native Stephen Colbert, the host of "The Colbert Report" on the Comedy Channel.

He choked back crocodile tears at being kept off the presidential primary ballot in South Carolina.

"I wanted to be president of South Carolina so bad," he said. "I was going to be sworn in on a sack of pork ribs and I was going to institute the death penalty for eating Chinese shrimp."

Mmmm, sack of pork ribs. (insert appropriate onomatopoeia for Homer drooling here)