The thanks of a grateful nation

We're a bit behind on our Thanksgiving post, but we firmly believe that we all have Stephen Colbert to thank for the fact that we'll never have to hear the words President of the United States Richard Cheney. One must read between the lines a litle bit, but clearly, courageous man that he is, even Vice President Cheney knew that he could not withstand the coming Colbert for President juggernaut. And so, he has adamantly and repeatedly withdrawn himself from consideration for the Presidency to spare himself the Sisyphean futility and humiliation that would come with such an effort.

And, knowing the Vice-President to be a man of his word, the nation has responded with no known effort to draft him for President (other than the cuh-razies over at the Washington Times or the ongoing attempt to backdoor draft him by impeaching his boss) unlike other potential candidates who have many clamoring for their candidacy despite their repeated declarations they are not running.

Or perhaps everyone just knows how good Dick Cheney is at dodging a draft.

Confirmed: President Bush supports Stephen Colbert for President

With the power vacuum developing since the sitting Vice-President has declared he is not running for president (Thank Colbert!), it's not surprising that the nation's chattering classes are all agog over who the President will support for President. Once again proving they are not paying attention, the mediosphere has totally missed that President Bush has already decided to back Stephen Colbert for President by signing the petition to draft him to run, and by doing so, in true Colbert Nation fashion, by signing the petition twice at numbers 140 and 141.

Chelsea deals huge blow to mom's candidacy - endorses Stephen Colbert for President

In fact, she's a very early signatory (#31) to the petition to draft Stephen Colbert. That's huge - I'd say that takes out another big possible contender. If you can't win your own daughter's support for presidency, how can you possibly win the support of the netroots, much less the electorate in general.

Abraham Lincoln posthumously supports Stephen Colbert for President

He is signatory #261 on the petition to draft Stephen to run for President of our great land. With 16 and 43 in his corner, Stephen Colbert has cornered the market on endorsements by the greatest Presidents ever.

Stephen Colbert for President: a modern Heracles slaying the Bush family Hydra

Ah, BuzzFlash Reader, you had me at "Heracles (read that Stephen Colbert)" .

Archegooglists reveal first known endorsement of Stephen Colbert for President

A leading light of the progressive netroots, the inimitable, indefatigable, and dare-we-say, near-omniscient Digby was banging the Colbert for Presidency drum three and a half years before Hotline woke up to the emerging Zeitgeist. Maybe they should change the name to RoomTemperatureline.

Seems like some members of the liberal media are getting ahead of themselves...

Just like with George W. Bush, you first have to be elected president (or at least appointed president by the decision of a Supreme Court filled with conflicts of interest, the least of which is being appointed by your dad) before you can consolidate power and declare yourself king. No matter how sexy he may be, first things first, San Francisco Chronicle.

Stephen Colbert - He's not just member of the sexiest men alive club, he's the President

At least according to the online newsmagazine, Salon, where he was named the sexiest man living. Take that, People Magazine - sexy surprise, sheesh. Well, we're not surprised that the magazine of the People went with a notable Hollywood liberal.

Anyway, it's about time we had a President with sex appeal again, rather than one who gives awkward, unwanted backrubs to other heads of state (Daterub is still rub, sir). Where have you gone, John F. Kennedy? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Indeed.

Oh, and let's not forget, Stephen has successfully vanquished another opponent, George Clooney, who announced back in September he wouldn't be running for political office for fear of running into the juggernaut that is the most popular celebrity write in vote getter*.



*In White County, GA

Stephen Colbert receives the most write in votes ...

Of any celebrity in White County, Georgia. Clearly, the good people of White County recognize his qualifications for public office, drafting him to serve simultaneously in three different roles, State Senator, State Representative, and District Attorney. (I'd be willing to bet that if the write-ins around the country were checked, he'd have a great many more.) Surely, if he is qualified to hold three different public offices at once, than holding just one, even if it is President of the United States, should be a cake-walk. I am sure he'll be greeted in Washington as a liberator.

(Hat tip to DB over at the No Fact Zone)

Colbert wins the only Presidential primary that matters, handily dispatching Jon Stewart head to head

Strength to strength, clip to clip, Stephen Colbert faced down and dispatched his most credible competitor for the 2008 Presidential race, Jon Stewart. Last week, Rolling Stone revealed that Stephen Colbert had won The Great American Fake-Off accompanied by a "possible cash award" (which as any Washington political insider can tell you, is code for off-the-books cash "campaign contribution", usually seen with politicians that get incredibly lucky at cards, in casinos, or even "rest stops" - there's a couple of other examples out there of how incredibly lucky politicians get when gambling, especially when playing cards with campaign contributors, but we couldn't put our collective finger on them). We're eagerly awaiting Jon's concession call and pledge of support.

Rolling Stone scoops the world: Stephen Colbert tacitly admits he is running for president, drops Stewart from ticket, names Obama as running mate

In Maureen Dowd's piece for Rolling Stone excerpted here, Stephen Colbert acknowledged, albeit indirectly, that he is, in fact, running for president.

"When Colbert traveled recently to his alma mater, Northwestern University, to be the grand marshal at the school's homecoming parade, he noticed "Colbert/Obama '08" T-shirts throughout the crowd. ("I can't tell Jon I'm dropping him to go with Barack,'' Colbert tells me later. "Maybe he'll read it in this article.")"

More importantly, he also reveals that Jon Stewart, beloved mentor that he may be, has been dropped from the ticket in favor of Barack Obama who clearly brings some serious political star wattage to the ticket. Of course, this also reveals Colbert's clear political acumen. In one fell swoop in a throwaway paragraph in Rolling Stone, Colbert cuts the legs out from under two of his strongest rivals for the presidency in one fell swoop, one by abruptly leaking that he's being dropped from the ticket and the other by naming him as his VP candidate. A move like that takes balls, and Stephen Colbert, though you probably need not be reminded, has big brass ones the size of coconuts. And, at the same time, reveals that one of this nation's leading academic institutions is endorsing him for President.

Genius.

Some people might foolishly wonder whether Stephen Colbert has what it takes for a long, grueling political campaign

To them we say, pshaw. One need only reflect back a few months to Stephen Colbert's first and greatest defeat of a political opponent, Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris and Stephen went head to head for the naming rights to a magnificent bridge in Hungary and, well, Stephen kicked Norris' ass all over the internet. The magnitude of the blowout was something akin to Dizzy Gillespie against a birthday cake. Indeed, Norris after early leads didn't even finish in the top 5 of either phase of the voting. And Colbert's performance was, by all accounts, against the man:

• whose calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
• who counted to infinity - twice.
• who was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
• who can slam revolving doors.
• who doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
• who can divide by zero.
• who, when he gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
• whose wristwatch has no numbers on it but just says, "Time to kick ass."
• who the Boogeyman checks his closet for when he goes to sleep each night.

... among other things. And Stephen mopped the dirty, scuz-ridden floor of the internet with him. Thus, Stephen Colbert should be Alpha Dog of the Year (if not of all time, as he did, after all, defeat Chuck Norris who forced God to rest on the seventh day by putting him in a sleeper hold). If Colbert can handily dispatch of Chuck Norris in a few weeks of internet voting (in Hungarian no less), he'll certainly make quick work of a bunch of lily-livered, flip-flopping, finger-in-the wind (and not even to wag it) politicians named after reindeer or who had to plagiarize a little-known British politician to figure out what to say in their political speeches.

Leading libertarian ahead of the curve endorsed Stephen Colbert for President in July

Libertarian commentator and public intellectual Llewellyn H. Rockwell, Jr., in the blog on his website endorsed Stephen Colbert for President for his unique ability to ridicule or "nail" politicians on his show. One can only imagine what candidate Colbert would unleash in a presidential debate. Wait, that's incorrect. One can't only imagine it - one can see it, coming in Fall of 2007, and one can be a part of it by helping to draft Citizen Colbert to his destiny.

Senator Russell Feingold implicitly endorses Stephen Colbert for President

Mere moments after Hotline subtly revealed that Stephen Colbert would be running for President in 2008, the very honorable Senator Russell Feingold announced that he would not be running for President. Though his words said that he wanted to advance a progressive agenda in the Senate, his gut was clearly revealing that he didn't want to stand in the way of the Colbert in 2008 juggernaut. Though, to give him credit, he did exhibit some serious cajones in facing the juggernaut a whole month more than former Governor of Virgina, Mark Warner. Seriously thought, this falling all over each other to get out of the way of coming Colbert hurricane is a phenomenon in need of a name - we're going to go with

Stephobia:

1) the utter dread of being nailed by Stephen Colbert (see the incumbents who were afraid to face Stephen in his 435-part Better Know a District series).
2(008) the fear of being humiliated in an election by the electoral juggernaut of Stephen Colbert backed by the unstoppable force of Colbert Nation.

Maclean's endorses Colbert for President

Canada's first weekly newsmagazine which also happens to be Canada's 100 year old "premier weekly newsmagazine" has endorsed Colbert for President. And while it is against the law for foreign governments attempting to influence American political campaigns, there is no law prohibiting premier weekly newsmagazines from other countries (however Franco-philic they might be) from doing so. So, to paraphrase Maclean's, throw off votre chaînes, Canada, get formally admitted as our 51st state (you'll have to hurry to beat Puerto Rico) and legally help elect our future president, Stephen Colbert.

Democratic Underground endorses Colbert for President

That's right, you read that correctly. Though we're not entirely certain whether this means expat American subway riders in London or the assorted subterranean creatures that tend to vote Democratic out of hopes for more liberal immigration or broader affirmative action policies for non-humans but either way, the Democratic Underground recognizes that Stephen Colbert rises above all their petty, partisan interests and can lead our nation back to the greatness to which it aspires.

Unconfirmed sources: President Bush endorses Stephen Colbert

President Bush finally repaid his debt for Stephen Colbert's unqualified support at the White House Correspondents Dinner. True to form, he gets it wrong and accidentally endorses Colbert for vice-president on a Stewart-Colbert '08 ticket. Nonetheless, when a President with these kinds of approval ratings endorses you, there is no place to go but up, baby.

What can I do to elect Stephen Colbert president?

We're glad you asked! While you're waiting for ActBlue to activate the capability to fund Stephen's campaign, you can let Citizen Colbert know how badly you would like him to run by signing the petition set up by Colbertocrat.com.

Here's the link.

And don't forget, in true Chicagoland and Colbert Nation fashion, sign early and sign often.

Stephen Colbert for President

It's an idea whose time has come. Of this there can be no doubt. Actblue is about to debut a new fundraising feature for the 2008 presidential election and Hotline featured it yesterday.

And, who do you think they used as an example to explain how this new feature would work? Democratic Party frontrunners Hillary Clinton? Al Gore? Republican frontrunner John McCain? Newly declared candidates Tom Vilsack or Duncan Hunter?

Not hardly - they picked Stephen Colbert.

An idea whose time has come?

To find out, let's consult our highly-paid, insider Washington Democratic consultant for their ineffable politically-savvy opinion.

Democratic consultant: All signs point to yes (so long as I get a percentage of the media buy).